Yep - I was shallow, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. This is a 'confessions' blog, right? Shallow people don't realise their lack of depth, their narrow views or their skin-deep concerns. Insecure would probably be a better way to describe how I operated through most of my teen years until my mid-twenties (I'm almost 41).
An interviewer recently asked how I felt about my experience being in beauty pageants as I won a few as a teenager. I'm not sure how to answer that question, but I think there's the good, bad and ugly in the beauty pageant world.
Not all of it is bad, especially for those who use it for a platform into areas they couldn't get into otherwise (like my friend whose interview I'm posting soon).
For me, however, I operated in those shallow waters tainted with comparison, body image, jealousy and pride (really shame in disguise). Though I thought I was confident, I was just a kind-of-pretty girl trying to be someone, achieve something and prove to everyone else that I wasn't insecure, which made me not all that likeable. And despite my glossy façade, even I deep down didn't really like myself.
But diving back into your past mistakes can either make you curl up into the fetal position or make you laugh. I've decided (after I get over the initial cringe factor) to laugh.
The following is an excerpt from my novel in audio form. What you may not know is that more than 80% of my novel is true, this interview is what actually was said on the Hawaiian beach. And yes, I still have the VHS tape, and I am the only one who knows where it is . . .
[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/82674188" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]
(**note - if the above soundcloud link is being dodgy, then you can click the link below to hear the audio clip)
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