Yep - I was shallow, and I'm not embarrassed to admit it. This is a 'confessions' blog, right?  Shallow people don't realise their lack of depth, their narrow views or their skin-deep concerns.   Insecure would probably be a better way to describe how I operated through most of my teen years until my mid-twenties (I'm almost 41). Yeh - a lame attempt at a kiss for the 'fans'.

An interviewer recently asked  how I felt about my experience being in beauty pageants as I won a few as a teenager.  I'm not sure how to answer that question, but I think there's the good, bad and ugly in the beauty pageant world.

Not all of it is bad, especially for those who use it for a platform into areas they couldn't get into otherwise (like my friend whose interview I'm posting soon).

For me, however,  I operated in those shallow waters tainted with comparison, body image, jealousy and pride (really shame in disguise). Though I thought I was confident, I was just a kind-of-pretty girl trying to be someone, achieve something and prove to everyone else that I wasn't insecure, which made me not all that likeable.  And despite my glossy façade, even I deep down didn't really like myself.

But diving back into your past mistakes can either make you curl up into the fetal position or make you laugh.  I've decided (after I get over the initial cringe factor) to laugh.

The following is an excerpt from my novel in audio form.  What you may not know is that more than 80% of my novel is true, this interview is what actually was said on the Hawaiian beach.  And yes, I still have the VHS tape, and I am the only one who knows where it is . . . 

[soundcloud url="http://api.soundcloud.com/tracks/82674188" params="" width=" 100%" height="166" iframe="true" /]

(**note - if the above soundcloud link is being dodgy, then you can click the link below to hear the audio clip)

No Time to Prepare

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